Jane For President
by Duff the Magic Dragon
Summary: Jane becomes intrigued by life in school politics....and goes a little nuts


"Jane for President"  
A Fanfic by: Caitlin Duffy  
  
SYNOPSIS- When Jane starts riding the school campaign trail, the Lawndalians get frazzled. Can Daria save the day and pull her out of her obsessive route?  
  
  
(Shot of Exterior of Lawndale High)  
(In class)  
  
Mr. DeMartino: And would someone be willing to express there FEELINGS about the effect the Emancipation Proclamation had on the future of this country we call the UNITED States of AMERICA? Anyone? Anyone? (Brittany raises her hand) Ahh, Miss Taylor, would you be so KIND as to share your pathetic excuse of an answer with us?  
  
Brittany: (confused) Huh? I just wanted everyone to know that there's a pep rally after lunch today and everyone should go because if you don't go you'd be a party pooper and no one likes party poopers, huh? (Twirls hair)  
  
DeMartino: (grinds teeth, slaps forehead) Thank you for that insight Miss Taylor, but I believe the question I really asked was how the...(bell rings) (students get up walk out of classroom)Well there goes another WASTED day in my so called attempts of teaching these lowlifes!  
  
(Students brush past unnoticed)  
  
(cut to lunchroom, zoom in on Daria and Jane sitting alone at a table)  
  
Jane: So, pep rally, huh. What do you think?  
  
Daria: I think I'd rather be injected with the Ebola virus.  
  
Jane: Oh come on...don't you want to go out and root for your team? Show a little school spirit? Go Lawndale!  
  
Daria. Please- My lunch cometh back up to pay me another visit.  
  
Jane: Ah hell Daria, it'll be fine. I hear the cheerleaders have mastered the "Give me an L, give me an A" routine. They can get all the way up to D without a moment's hesitation.  
  
Daria: Well, I'll believe that when I see it.  
  
Jane: Ahh.. she broke down. You're coming then?  
  
Daria: Maybe. Maybe not. I'll have to consult my parole officer before I go anywhere.  
  
Jane: You're right. We could stay. Only everyone else in the entire school is going. Except Upchuck. We could join him in his after lunch break ritual of going to the library and read steamy romance novels.  
  
(Daria and Jane look at Upchuck, who looks up from his lunch at the and waves)  
  
Upchuck: Grrrr.....   
Daria: Fine. I'm in. (They get up with their lunch trays) Just as long as Brittany doesn't awaken the cheerleader within and I'm forced into a series of cartwheels.  
  
(Cut to school gym, with packed bleachers, yellow and blue banners streaming from the ceilings, and the football team and cheerleaders on the floor)  
  
Mrs. Li: (enthusiastically) Thank you all for coming here today and showing your Lawndale High Spirit! Let's hear it for the Lawndale cheerleading squad!  
  
(Cheers and Applause) (Cheerleaders clear the floor in a formation)  
  
Brittany: Who's the team that always wins? Who's the team with all the grins? Lawndale! Lawndale! Where's the spirit always high? Where's the school that makes other schools die? Lawndale! Lawndale! Gooooo Lions!  
  
(Cut to back row of bleachers)  
Jane: Why can't we ever be the school that dies?  
  
Daria: Because that's a hope that's too good to be true. And nothing good ever happens here.  
  
Jane: Well you have to admit that watching all those peppy cheerleaders fall all over themselves is mildly amusing. In a pathetic sense.  
  
Daria: Um, right.  
  
Jane: Don't look now but it looks like we're going to get a word from the boy who comes to school on the little bus. (smirks)  
  
(Back to floor, Kevin standing at podium with cheerleaders at either side)  
  
Kevin: Who's gonna win tonight's big game?  
  
Crowd: Lions!!  
  
Kevin: That's right! And Who's gonna beat the Tigers?  
  
Crowd: The Lions!!  
  
Kevin: Yeah! And Who's gonna beat the Lions?  
  
Crowd: Uh...(hesitates) No one!  
  
Kevin: Yeah! I think...wait a minute (pauses and thinks) Uh, Yeah! Go Lions!  
  
Mrs. Li : Thank you very much, Kevin. Everyone- Your Lawndale High Quarterback!  
  
(Cheers)  
  
Mrs. Li: I want all of you to show up for tomorrows big game! And I want you all to be root, root, rooting for your team! And if we win it will put us in the State Finals- which will be a very impressive victory for my- eh, our team!   
  
(More Cheers, cheerleaders dance in a routine)  
  
Daria: I can hardly wait- my blood curdles with joy.  
  
(Back to Floor, someone hands Mrs. Li a slip of paper)  
Mrs. Li: (quickly) Oh yeah, and there will be a meeting after school for anyone interesting in nominating themselves for class president or student government. Go Lions!  
  
Jane: (Brightens) School government, eh?  
  
Daria: Its always nice to see brainless athletic rituals put first before politics.  
  
Jane: (thinking) I've always been considering it....and seeing what sort of mental help my fellow students need today, offering my expertise would be considered a good cause.  
  
Daria: Uh oh. What's gotten into you?  
  
Jane: You're seeing that devilish gleam in my eyes, aren't you?  
  
Daria: You aren't thinking about running for class president are you?  
  
Jane: I dunno.. Why not? Being an appointed leader of a bunch of mindless Lawndale students? They'd be like putty in my hands...I'd make them grovel. Grovel at my every step! (chuckles evilly)  
  
Daria: Whoa there Castro. But I'm beginning to see why this appeals to you. Maybe its not such a bad thought after all.  
  
Jane: Of course? Can you imagine the possibilities? Anyone with an I.Q. Lower than 100 will be forced to wear a leash! And football will be played without the padded armor. Oh, imagine the bloodshed!  
  
Daria: (raises eyebrows)  
  
(Cut to lockers)  
  
(Jane standing at her open locker, pulls out a book then shuts it. Before she can walk out, Jodie rushes up to her and Daria)  
  
Jodie: Hey Jane. Hey Daria  
  
Daria: Hi Jodie.  
  
Jodie: Jane, I overheard you say that you were interested in running for class president during the pep rally.  
  
Jane: Well, yes, I've been remotely considering.  
  
Jodie: I just wanted to tell you that I really think you should go for it. It would be nice to get rid of all the usual jocks and popular girls who usually land the job, and get someone with actual potential to try for it.   
  
Jane: Why thank you Jodie, its nice to see someone supporting my venture.  
  
Jodie: I really think you could turn some things around. Give it a shot.  
  
Daria: If you want some smart people in office, why don't you run? You'd be a shoo-in.  
  
Jodie: No thanks. That's exactly why I don't want to run. I would be a shoo-in. I've already been homecoming queen 3 times, Captain of the Tennis team, President of Social Servive Club, and nominated for school treasurer twice. They don't pick me for my credentials. Its only because I'm a minority and I get decent grades.  
  
Daria: If you don't get picked because of credentials, why do you even do those things?  
  
Jodie: Can't hurt my record when applying to college.  
  
Daria: Mmm..  
  
Jane: Well, I can't promise that if I do win that I'll be the next Lincoln, but I'll strive to at least reach the level of Mussolini.  
  
Jodie: (looks away, pauses) That's...nice. Anyway, Mack's giving me a ride home. I don't want to keep him waiting or he'll leave without me. Bye. (waves, walks off)  
  
Jane: Well, I've been campaigning for 5 minutes, and I've already doubled my supporters. I should be getting to that after school meeting. I'll call you tonight. Adios. (Exits)  
  
Daria: (shrugs, walks off)  
  
  
(Shot of Daria sitting on living room sofa, watching TV)  
  
SSW: They're your crazy reclusive neighbors by day, gigolos best friend by night! Meet the Cat Lady she-pimps, Tomorrow on Sick, Sad World.  
  
(Phone Rings)  
Daria: (turns off TV, picks up phone) Hello?  
  
Jane: Yo.  
  
Daria: Hey. How did that Class President meeting go after school?  
  
Jane: Eh, could've been better. They were talking about something...politics, student responsibilities....yada yada yada, I wasn't really listening until they got to the part of the nomination process.  
  
Daria: Did you just say 'yada yada yada?'  
  
Jane: Anyway, I half-listened to what they had to say, and when I realized that I could help pull these kids out of the slimy pit they live in I felt that I just had to nominate myself for the sake of mankind and their waning brain cells.  
  
Daria: So you're really doing it?  
  
Jane: Yes...why, are you doubting me or something?  
  
Daria: No, not at all. Its just I don't want you to set your hopes too high. People tend to win based more on popularity and fashion sense rather than smarts.  
  
Jane: If only Congress ran that way too....I'm sure our country would be an entirely different place if they decided our country's Presidents on their ability to coordinate the trendiest outfits....(pauses) Anyway, I should go. Trent's been asleep for the last 15 hours. I need to check and make sure he didn't drown in a pool of his own drool. See ya.  
  
Daria: Bye. (clicks phone off)  
  
(Quinn walks past behind the couch)  
Quinn: Daria! Are you off the phone yet? I need to schedule an emergency meeting with the fashion club.   
  
Daria: (narrows eyes) Here's your damn phone. (hands phone to Quinn)  
  
Daria: (sits back, sighs, Quinn walks off, Daria turns on TV)  
  
(After a few moments, Quinn walks past in opposite direction, on phone)  
  
Quinn: Can you believe it Stacey? She was wearing sandals with corduroy pants!  
  
Stacey: (VO) Ahhh!  
  
Quinn: Ugh, I know! And when I pointed it out to her she didn't even care! Some people just don't know fashion! (walks away)  
  
Daria: (to herself) And some people just don't know how to screw their heads on in the morning. (Looks at TV again, after a few more moments Quinn walks back across the room)  
  
Quinn: No, of course not Stacey! No one noticed you had on pink nail polish with a red vest! I didn't see it, honest!  
  
Stacey: (VO) (Crying)  
  
Daria: Gee, I hope no one noticed that her hair clip (Cut to Stacey's house, where Daria's voice is heard as a VO over the phone) was so last season.  
  
Stacey: (eyes widen, starts crying)  
  
(Cut back to Morgendorffers house)  
Quinn: Daria! We're having a crisis here, would you please leave?  
  
Daria: Fine. I don't have to take this. (Gets up, walks out)  
  
Quinn: Its ok, Stacey, that was just my adopted cousin...er, my 2nd cousin. She doesn't know a thing about style......oh, I know!  
  
(Daria exits house)  
  
_COMMERCIAL_  
  
(Daria sitting alone in booth in the Pizza King)  
  
Daria: (sips soda from straw)  
  
(Brittany and Kevin walk in, approach Daria)  
  
Daria: No, I cannot give you the answers to the math homework.  
  
Brittany: Huh?  
  
Kevin: Hey Daria! Are you coming to the big game tonight?  
  
Daria: Let me consider- No.  
  
Brittany: Why not Daria?? Don't you want to see your team go to State Finals?  
  
Daria: No, and correction, its not my team, its your team. I don't think I would want to attend an event that supports the notion that athletics in our school are more important than academics, and those who can tackle a guy and break his neck are more worthy of a scholarship to an Ivy League school than those who work their asses off to maintain straight A's throughout their entire student career.  
  
Brittany: (disappointed squeak) Oh! (shakes head) That's too bad!  
  
Kevin: Come on babe, let's go get a pie.  
  
Brittany: Ok Kevie! Bye, Daria. (Walks off)  
  
Daria: (takes another sip from drink)  
  
(From booth to the left of her own, Toms head pops up and looks out over it)  
  
Tom: Daria!  
  
Daria: Tom? What are you doing here?  
  
Tom: I believe its something you earthlings call, 'eating'. (gets up) Mind if I join you?  
  
Daria: Go ahead. (smiles) (Tom sits down across from her) I haven't seen you all week.  
  
Tom: (shrugs) I know. The motor fell out of my car last weekend, so I've kind of been stuck around the house. I just got it fixed.  
  
Daria: Anything new over at Buckingham Palace?  
  
Tom: No, not much, you?  
  
Daria: (looks around) Well, my family is still causing me to have a steady decrease in my sanity, and Jane is running for class president.  
  
Tom: Jane? Good for her. It's nice to see she's using her ideas for a good cause.  
  
Daria: Yeah, I think she's getting too excited about it though. I tried warning her that only the yuppies tend to win.  
  
Tom: What, you're saying that Jane's not yuppie material?  
  
Daria: Yes, yes I am.  
  
Tom: (smiles) Want to get a pizza?  
  
Daria: No thanks. I think forcing my stomach to digest more crap on this sickening day would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.  
  
Tom: Yeah, good idea I'd better be going home. There's a "Sick Sad World" marathon that I really should watch. Fascinating stuff.  
  
Daria: Sounds like a plan. (gets up out of booth)   
  
Tom: See you later Daria.  
  
Daria: Bye Tom. (he walks out)  
  
(Cut to Morgendorffers house, fashion club sitting at kitchen table)  
  
Sandi: Fashion Club, we are in a most perilous time in fashion tragedy. I've heard that today alone- several major fashion don'ts occurred. The reported incidents include sandals with cords, socks with clogs, and (glares at Stacey) pink nail polish with red accessories.  
  
Stacey: ( Wails with tears)  
  
Sandi: It's obvious we haven't been holding up to our fashion pledge to influence the school and keeping fashion mishaps as far away as possible.   
  
Tiffany: We have a pledge?  
  
Sandi: Of course we do Tiffany!  
  
Quinn: But what can we do to help these people become fashion-smart?  
  
Sandi: (raises eyebrow) Gee, Quinn, I hope you aren't doubting the potential of the Fashion Club.  
  
Quinn: (chuckles) Of course not Sandi! I was just wondering what your idea would be on how to take action, that's all. You always come up with the best ideas.  
  
Stacey: Yeah, Sandi!  
  
Tiffany: Yeah...  
  
Sandi: Hmm...  
  
(Daria walks into kitchen, doesn't see them, goes to the fridge, opens it and pulls out a can of soda. Turns and sees the fashion club)  
  
Daria: Ah!  
  
Sandi: I didn't know that your, cousin, or whatever, was going to be here, Quinn.  
  
Quinn: (Chuckles nervously, speaks through her teeth) She's not supposed to be (gets out of chair) Excuse me... (rushes up to Daria, who's standing quiet with widened eyes, and pushes her out of the kitchen)  
  
Daria: Ow!  
  
Quinn: Leave, Daria, we're having an emergency meeting!  
  
Daria: (narrows eyes) Since when am I not allowed in my own kitchen?   
  
Quinn: (groans, rolls eyes) Just stay out until the meetings over.   
  
(VO) Sandi: Quinn, are you and your like, cousin almost finished?   
  
Quinn: Uh, I'm coming! (quietly) Just do me a favor by not coming in the kitchen and embarrassing me!   
  
Daria: (sighs, goes upstairs)  
  
(Cut to Lane house)  
  
Jane: (at kitchen table, with a poster board, paints, and paint brushes) (to herself) That ought to win supporters. (holding up poster board, unseen with it's back towards camera) Hmm… (smirks)  
  
(Trent walks into kitchen, stops halfway and turns to Jane)  
  
Trent: Run out of canvas..?  
  
Jane: Hardly, I have enough canvas to build teepees for an entire third world country.  
  
Trent: Oh. Then what's that?  
  
Jane: Just a campaign poster to advertise my run for class president.  
  
Trent: Whoa. (looks around) You haven't accidentally eaten any paint chips lately, have you?  
  
Jane: (rolls eyes) I don't know why everyone can't believe that Jane Lane wants to run for school politics. Why, can't you see me as a class president?  
  
Trent: (looks hard at Jane, then looks away) Um…  
  
Jane: (throws arms up) Augh! Well who cares what you think. A twenty-two year old in a crappy band who still lives with your parents for Christ's sake!  
  
Trent: (looks angry) Hey, we're not talking about me.  
  
Jane: (stands up) Well I'm going to prove to this whole god forsaken town that I am presidential material! Just you wait and see. (Grabs poster and storms out of the kitchen.)  
  
(Cut to school, next morning)  
  
(Students walking through hallways, bell rings, and students drift to their classes. After a few moments, Jane peers out from behind hallway corner, and looks back and forth through halls and sneaks out to an open wall. She turns her back towards the camera, and tacks the poster board on the wall, smiles, and walks away to class. Zoom in on poster; In large bold letters at top- JANE LANE FOR PRESIDENT. Underneath, a large, abstract reproduction of "Washington Crossing the Delaware", with Jane's head in place of George Washington's, and the sailors rowing the boat are sickly looking Lawndale students. Underneath the picture, in small bold letters; LEADING LAWNDALE TO A NEW FUTURE.)  
  
(Later that day- Daria is walking with Jane through the hallways together, with backpacks. They run into a group of people by Jane's poster. There is a small clump of students standing around Jane' poster, murmuring.)  
  
Andrea: Cool Poster Jane.  
  
Jane: (smiles) Thanks.  
  
Guy: Yeah, cool poster. I like the painting.  
  
Daria: Whoa. When did you do that?  
  
Jane: Last night. I thought I could use my art to inspire and encourage the students' minds.  
  
Daria: Or corrupt them.   
  
Jane: (glares at Daria)   
  
Daria: I have to admit. A few more of these puppies and you can turn this place into a regular Museum of Modern Art.  
  
Jane: I decided to use such bright colors because I hear animals are attracted to them. Just look at the crowd around here ogling.  
  
Daria: Like moths towards one really out of control flame.  
  
(Kevin walks up from the left side of screen with football teammates)  
Kevin: We kicked major butt in that game! (high fives teammate) We should win like that more often!  
(Sees the poster and small crowd around it, stops and inspects the poster)  
  
Kevin: Hey! I didn't know you were running for class president!  
  
Jane: I'm not. I've been framed.  
  
Kevin: Huh? (looks around at the football players and pauses) Oh. I get it. Ha ha. Running for president isn't a chick thing anyway. ( Walks off w/buddies)  
  
Daria: Why'd you do that? You've lost a few likely votes.  
  
Jane: Yes, but what's a couple votes? Besides, the thoughts of people like him deciding who the high officials will be is almost puke- worthy.   
  
Daria: Whatever. Just don't pick and choose who's worthy of voting for you. (Stops) Wait- who's running against you in the first place?  
  
Jane: So far, it looks like no one. I'm kinda hoping it stays that way.  
  
Daria: Then that would be an accomplishment worth great applause.  
  
(Fashion Club walks past from stage left, stops, and Sandi stares Jane and Daria down, then continues to walk off)  
  
Sandi: Ugh. More fashion calamities are gracing our hallways everyday.  
  
Tiffany: Combat boots are so wrong…  
  
Sandi: The situation is worse than I thought. I believe now is the time we take action.  
  
Quinn: You're absolutely right, Sandi.  
  
Stacey: Totally!  
  
Sandi: Of course I'm right. At five o' clock tomorrow, I shall hold a meeting at my house where we will discuss how to diminish these fashion tragedies.   
  
Stacey: Great idea, Sandi.  
  
Tiffany: Uh huh..  
  
Stacey: I can't wait! All this talk is getting me so excited my hands are getting clammy!  
  
Tiffany: Um..  
  
Sandi: Thank you for sharing, Stacey, but I hope you can solve your 'clammy' glandular problem before the meeting tomorrow night.  
  
Stacey: (cowers down and looks embarrassed)  
  
(Cut to Jane's House- in Jane's bedroom. Daria is sitting on bed watching TV, Jane is painting poster board on her easel)   
  
SSW: They came, they saw, they conquered! How migratory space ants captured the Australian Outback- next, on Sick Sad World!  
  
Daria: I think I'm getting stupider as I sit here and subject myself to this.  
  
Jane: But that's no price for what fascinating entertainment you're getting.  
  
Daria: True. (Turns the TV louder)  
  
(A few moments of silence, as Jane steps back and admires her handiwork)  
Jane: What do you think?  
  
(Daria stands and walks towards the painting. This time it's a pasted on photo of the Statue of Liberty with Jane's head painted over the face, and LAWNDALE drawn across the book in her arms. The background is swirly and colorful. In the lower right corner, in dark blue letters it says, LANE STANDS FOR LIBERTY)  
  
Daria: Impressive. I can't wait for the poster where you put you head on the penny.  
  
Jane: That's my next project. Only I was thinking of the quarter. Much more valuable.  
  
Daria: Those are great and all, but, um, how many of those do you think you can whip up to advertise yourself all over school?  
  
Jane: (thinks) I guess I could probably do two more tonight. But I'm hoping that my campaigns more of a 'word of mouth' success.  
  
Daria: Oh. ( goes back and sits on bed, this time facing Jane) Uh, Jane? About that? What is your campaign, anyway?  
  
Jane: What do you mean 'what's my campaign?' (looks a little annoyed)  
  
Daria: Well, it's just that…  
  
Jane: It's just, 'what?' You don't approve of the way I'm running things?  
  
Daria: Not at all, it's just that you don't seem to know what your objectives are yet.  
  
Jane: Hey, my objectives are just fine. I don't think I need any of your help with my campaign. The reason I started this whole thing to prove how good I could do something on my own (points at Daria defensively) I don't need your help.  
  
Daria: (sighs) I never said you did. Listen, I better get going. (pulls backpack on) Bye.  
  
Jane: (annoyed) Bye Daria.  
  
(sound of bell ringing)  
(Next day, Daria is walking in halls of school by herself)  
  
(Jane runs up next to her)   
Jane: Yo, Daria, wait up! (slows besides her) Sorry about yesterday- I think I was kinda being a little too much of a defensive bitch. I didn't mean to scare you out like that.  
  
Daria: Yes, you were being a defensive bitch, but yes, I do accept your apology. (Pauses) Anyway, did you get any new posters up?  
  
Jane: As a matter of fact, I did. I tacked one of them over there. (points to a spot where another gathering of students stands) See? They're already basking in the glow of another poster masterpiece.  
  
(Daria and Jane walk up to the crowd. Daria separates herself a bit and joins the crowd.)  
  
Jane: Well? Do they love it, or do they love it?  
  
Daria: (drops jaw a little) Um, they may be basking in it, but I'm afraid you're going to have to share that loving glow from now on.  
  
Jane: (raises eyebrow) Huh? (pushed her way through crowd, which moves back and gives her room. Her jaw also drops)  
  
(Next to her Statue of Liberty poster is another poster. It's white and in dark pink cursive it exclaims, 'Charles for Class President!')  
  
Jane: (dumbfounded) Upchuck?! I have to run against Upchuck!?  
  
Daria: Dammit. There he goes shattering our dreams again.  
  
Upchuck: (appears from behind a clump of students) You rang, mi' lady?   
  
Jane: What is this?  
  
Upchuck: Well if it isn't my dueling opponent, Miss Jane Lane.  
  
Jane: (shakes fist at him) What are you doing running against me??  
  
Upchuck: Why, there's nothing like a rough fight between myself and a fine lady like yourself. (Jane grits her teeth and holds up her fist) My my! I pray, will this fight get physical?  
  
(Daria rushes to Jane's side)   
Daria: Easy there. As much as I'd like to see you clobber this bozo, you'd be giving him what he wants.  
  
Upchuck: Miss Morgendorffer! Will you be joining this fight to make a luscious three-way battle? Grrr… (wiggles fingers)  
  
Daria: Only if it ends with you receiving a bullet to the head.  
  
Upchuck: So she plays rough, does she?  
  
Jane: (pushing Daria out of the way) Listen. I don't care if I'm running against anyone. Not even you. Just leave us alone or you'll be sleeping with one eye open.  
  
Upchuck: (grins) Very well. The goddess has spoken. (points in Jane's face) See you on the debate floor.   
(struts off)  
  
(The Crowd shrugs and disperses. Jane looks at Daria. Close shot of Jane's face looking confused and very worried)  
  
(Cut to Lane House)  
  
(Trent in his room sitting on his bed w/guitar)  
  
Trent: (half-singing) I'm tied to the tracks…No way to relax….Stressed to the max…. (stops, looks up) This song sucks.  
  
(Jane enters room)  
Jane: Hola hermano.   
  
Trent: Hey Janey. (puts guitar on bed)   
  
Jane: It's 4:30 and you're awake? What's the occasion?  
  
Trent: Nothing…thought I had a song idea, turns out it sucked.  
  
Jane: Mm..  
  
Trent: What do you want?  
  
Jane: What? Can't a girl drop in and say hi to her brother? (Stops, Trent stares) Ok…it's the whole class president thing. Turns out its not gonna be as easy as I had hoped.  
  
Trent: What do you want me to do?  
  
Jane: Oh, nothing. Just to be there and offer condolences while I bitch to you why this is bothering me so much. (looks sad)  
  
Trent: Oh. Oka-  
  
Jane: (looks mad) Good! (quickly) It's because the only reason I did this whole stupid thing was to prove that I could be someone and actually do something with my life and not making a fool of myself. Then this really, really annoying Upchuck is running against me now and now I'm starting to think that I could lose because this guy is such a little conniving worm and so then I could end up making a fool out of myself even worse than I was before which in turn makes my plan completely backfire in my face! (takes a deep breath)  
  
Trent: Whoa. Um…  
  
(Jane walks over and slumps down on opposite side of bed)  
  
Jane: I can't believe I'm getting so worked up about this! I mean, (looks at Trent) I actually think this is kinda important to me. ( turns away, rests chin on hands)  
  
Trent: Janey?  
  
Jane: (somberly) Yeah?  
  
Trent: Don't worry. Whatever happens, you wouldn't look like a fool. You've never looked like a fool. And you don't need to win this stupid election to prove that you're somebody.  
  
Jane: (smiles) Thanks Trent. You know, you're right. But what's the point of backing out now? My name's permanently on the ballot anyway. (shrugs) I'll just try my best and if I win, that's cool, but if not, I'll just smile and walk away. I won't be mad (sits up) I'll be the bigger person either way! So, what do you think? (pause) Trent? (Turns around, sees that he's fallen asleep)  
  
(Jane stands and smirks)  
Jane: Big jerk.  
  
(Cut to Sandi's house)  
(FC is sitting at a round kitchen table with diet sodas)  
Sandi: Ladies, I have organized this meeting for us to plan and strategize how we can help improve the fashion catastrophes which we have been witnessing in our school lately.  
  
Stacey: I know! (excitedly) We can take our class on a shopping spree together! (clasps hands) Wouldn't that be just great?  
  
Tiffany: Too much money.  
  
Sandi: (narrows eyes) Yes, I agree Tiffany. Why would we waste our money dressing up all the losers at our school? (sarcastically) Do you have any more helpful insights, Stacey?  
  
Stacey: (looks down) No.  
  
Quinn: I think I have an idea.  
  
Sandi: Oh really, Quinn? Well would you be willing to share this wonderful proposition with the rest of us?  
  
Quinn: Of course, Sandy! Why would I try to keep anything from you? I think we should advertise new looks to influence the rest of our classmates.  
  
Sandi: (smugly) I'm listening.  
  
Quinn: Well, we could all go to Cashmen's and buy lots of cool new outfits for ourselves and show them off in school tomorrow! Then everyone will like our looks so much they would have to go out and buy new clothes for themselves!  
  
Stacey: Good idea Quinn!   
  
Tiffany: Yeah.  
  
Sandi: Yes, Quinn. Excellent thought. I believe we shall execute this idea.  
  
Stacey: But will that be enough to influence the entire school?  
  
Sandi: You're right, Stacey. We will need more.  
  
Tiffany: I know… Did you see the girl who's running for school president? Her taste is so…bad.  
  
Sandi: Yes. I suggest we vote against her, to protect our fellow students from exposure to her fashion wrong-doing. We shall spread word that having this girl running our students simply cannot be.  
  
Stacey and Tiffany: Yeah.  
  
Quinn: (chuckles, but looks a little nervous) Yeah..  
  
(Cut to next day at school)  
  
(FC walking through halls, handing out fliers that say, VOTE NO FOR LANE)  
  
(Stop while they continue their walking and petitioning- stop at an unreadable sign with two larger signs on either side. Zoom in on signs. The one on the left is a off-white sign that reads "Charles for President" in purple letters, with a picture of him doing the Nixon "I'm not a crook" Arm move. On the right, is another Jane poster- this time a painting of a teenager with a mad look in his eyes and two bazookas and students running and screaming behind him. Under picture it says- "Why did this Happen? Because Jane Lane isn't president at this school". The small notice in the middle says, "PRESIDENTAL CANIDATES- SPEECHES TODAY AT 2 IN THE AUDITORIUM")  
  
_(Slow pan up to a wall-mounted clock above posters. It reads 1:55 pm)  
  
(Cut to backstage at auditorium. Jane is standing with Daria as several people walk back and forth behind them. Jane is nervously rummaging through index cards)  
  
Jane: (mumbling) Ok…peace, prosperity….human torture…I may have all the issues.  
  
Daria: That sounds like a Mystic Spiral song.  
  
Jane: Augh! It does. Ok, (shuffles cards in order) I'm not nervous. Nooo way am I nervous. Do I sound nervous? Cuz I'm not nervous, really.  
  
Daria: Gee. Couldn't have guessed that.  
  
Jane: I'm gonna blow this big time.  
  
Daria: (looks a little sympathetic) Don't worry. You'll do fine. Just think of the glory of going out there, and beating Upchuck's butt.  
  
Jane: Nah, I think he would enjoy that too much.  
  
Girl: Jane, they're ready for you.  
  
Jane: Dammit!  
  
Daria: Just go out there and pretend your just reading the speech to me again for the umpteenth time.  
  
Jane: I really appreciate that Daria.  
  
(Cut to view of stage. Upchuck and Jane are sitting in folding chairs in the upper center stage. In lower right stage, Mrs. Li is standing at a podium. In the background of the stage is a yellow banner that says in blue letters, "LHS Student Election 2000")  
  
Mrs. Li: Thank you all for coming and supporting your Class President Nominees today! We have a very interesting competition this year indeed. In a close match we have Miss Jane Lane, and Mr. Charles Ruttheimer III .  
  
(Upchuck gives a sleazy grin and waves, Jane continues to stare straight forward with a blank expression, slouching back in her chair)  
  
Mrs. Li: And I believe our first speaker will be..(squints a piece of paper) Charles!  
  
(weak applause)  
  
Upchuck: (walks up to podium, looks sleazily at Mrs. Li) Thank you Mrs. Li for that…enticing introduction.  
  
Mrs. Li: (looks angry) Just speak, Ruttheimer.   
  
Upchuck: (to audience) Good Afternoon, all you luscious ladies and fine gentleman. And today, I'm going to tell you why good Charles here would be the best choice for your Lawndale High Class President. Why do I think this? (looks sad, concerned) Because I, Charles Ruttheimer, am merely just a small, insignificant member of this school- lost, confused in these big bright hallways. I am the epitome of your average high school student. (looks down with over-exaggerated look of sorrow)   
  
Jane: (quietly) More like the epitome of a reverse pedophile.   
  
Upchuck: (looks up) Then why should I, another sad face in the crowd, be chosen as your President? Because I know the people. I am the people. I'll be willing to grant you your needs and wishes- I know everything people like you want- why? Because I am the people. I will fight for my right…to par-tay- with you! (points to audience)  
  
Jane: (flatly) Oh please that would be too much excitement for little ol' me.  
  
Upchuck: (to light applause, making the Nixon gesture) Oh, you are all too kind!  
  
Jane: (stands up as she is announced next for her speech and approaches the podium, passing Upchuck)  
  
Upchuck: (whispering to Jane) If you lose tomorrow, you know I'll always be willing to thoroughly express my apologies after school, you know. Grr…(makes clawing gesture)  
  
Jane: (glares) Go to hell.  
  
Upchuck: Ooh…feisty!  
  
(Jane ignores him and stands in front of podium, putting her hands on either side of her gripping the stand. She looks out at the crowd at first with a look of contempt, and after gazing back and forth, she starts looking a little nervous.)  
  
Jane: Hi. (gives a short small wave) I'm Jane, and I am running for Class President. (hesitates)  
  
(Cut to Audience)  
  
Kevin: Hey- wait a minute, she IS running for class president! Wait, or did she say she was framed? Framed? Argh! (grabs head in confusion)  
  
(Pan to Daria, with an empty seat at her right)  
Daria: (looking at Kevin, a few rows in front of her, then returns to staring confused at Jane) I think we're all a little puzzled today.  
  
Jane: (Pulls out note cards, staring down at them and reading them with a slightly wavering, but monotone voice) I think you should vote for me to be your president because I have…(squints at paper) morals? (moves head back with a slightly surprised look on face) Ok, I have morals then.   
  
Daria: (in audience, slaps forehead)  
  
Jane: Also, I believe that I can make the school a better place..(coughing in audience) We need more discipline, but (with false, sudden uplifting of voice) fun too! Yes…fun. (Gives an obvious forced grin, and looks out at the audience. Her grin fades to a look of worry, and she is silent. There are more coughs in the audience, and a few people are whispering and grumbling. Upchuck is chuckling evilly, and quite loud too. After a few moments of looking worried, she suddenly narrows her eyes and throws the index cards over her shoulder.)  
  
Upchuck: (VO) (in yelping voice) Ow!  
  
Jane: (leans forward, gripping sides of podium) Alright you slugs. I was going to do this the nice way, but since you leave me no choice, this ain't gonna be pretty. Most of you have noticed that I'm not one of the usual fluffy social types that always land this gig, but lets just say that if I get elected things will be different around here! I don't want to see anymore of the oversized "donations" being poured into our sports teams while our arts program is nearly down the crapshoot. (people begin looking around in crowd) I don't want to see all the smart people in this school driven to suicide just because they're teased for not having clear pores or bouncy hair. I won't tolerate all these damn cliques anymore! (slams fist on podium, audience murmurs, many look angry) And these god-forsaken excuses of teachers we have? No wonder half of this school will end up on death row someday. (shot of standing teachers, looking mad) And what about this crap they're serving us in the cafeteria? My dog wouldn't even eat this sludge. (pauses) Well, I don't have a dog, but if I did, I'm sure he wouldn't touch that stuff! We need someone to take action! Know the issues! We need progress! We need help! We need…Jane Lane. (leans back with a smirk)  
  
(Audience sits, with a few dull sounds of clapping. Shot of the audience, some looking neutral, others whispering, some angry, and a few are asleep. Zoom in on Daria, who looks a little surprised)  
  
Jane: Thank you. (steps backwards, resumes a look of contempt)  
  
Mrs Li: (approaches the podium) Why…thank you. Um, that concludes our Presidential speeches. And remember (cut to audience, walking out) voting is after school today!   
  
(Bell Rings, Jane is standing on stage with a few yards between her and Upchuck. She looks at him nervously)  
  
(Cut to after school, in the hall ways. Daria walking alone in hallway. She stops and turns to see a display to her left.There is a large blue ballot box on a table, with a sitting proctor who is handing out slips of paper, which the kids write on then drop in the box. She walks up, and is immediately handed a slip of paper. She looks at it. It simply has JANE LANE with a large, empty box next to it, and CHARLES RUTTHEIMER with a box next to it. Daria pulls out a pen, cut her hand above the paper. She hovers it above J.L. She stops, and thinks hard. Then, she lets it hang over C.R. then back to J.L. Cut back to her face. She makes a mark, unseen by the audience, then folds it and stuffs it into the ballot box and walks away)  
  
  
  
(Cut to next day. Daria is sitting at kitchen table, half staring at and half eating cereal. Jake Morgendorffer walks in and sits next to her with cereal Box)  
  
Jake: Hey, what's up kiddo!  
  
Daria: Anything but my hopes of this turning out to be a good conversation.  
  
Jake: Ha!  
  
(Daria looks down at her cereal again)  
  
Jake: Why so glum, chum?  
  
Daria: (sighs) Well, if you insist. (looks up) Jane had been running for president this past week and I'm afraid that she might not win, and that would really hurt her I think. I worried.  
  
Jake: Ooh. (shoves cereal in his mouth) Sorry there kiddo! (looks at cereal box and sees an a on front that reads "You may Instantly win a prize!" He looks under label hopefully)  
  
Jake: (slamming fist on table) Dammit! I didn't win!!  
  
Daria: It's those damn cereal gods. They've cursed you again.  
  
Jake: Argh!! (Gets up angrily)  
  
Daria: (sighs sadly)  
  
(Cut to school Parking lot. Jane is getting out of Trent's car with a very nervous look on her face. She takes a few steps out, and looks back at the car. Trent gives a thumbs up. Jane turns, takes a deep breath, and walks into the school)  
  
(Jane and Daria are sitting next to each other in Mr. O'Neil's class. They look at each other. The room is silent. Suddenly there is fuzz over the intercom.)  
  
Mrs. Li: (VO) Students of Lawndale High, the votes are in! We've counted the votes and we are now about to announce our new junior class president!! (Microphone feedback)  
  
(Jane gives a deep, worried breath. Daria looks at her.)  
  
(From desk behind Jane)  
  
Andrea: Good...luck.  
  
Jane: Thanks.  
  
(Voice returns over intercom)  
  
Mrs. Li: The numbers are in. (pause) With 29% of the votes, we have…..Jane Lane. With 61%, Charles Ruttheimer, which means that Charles Ruttheimer is your new class president!!!  
  
Jane & Daria: WHAT?  
  
Mr. O'Neil: Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry.  
  
Jane: (grumbles, sulks in chair)  
  
(Cut to another classroom, the FC is sitting near each other in desks. They're all wearing new outfits and hairdo's.)  
  
Sandi: It looks as if our mission was a success. Mis-fashion will not be tread through the hallways in our sight anymore.  
  
Quinn: (chuckles) Yeah…  
  
(Cut to hallway after school. Jane and Daria are walking together. They pass Upchuck who is standing proudly in the hallways gloating to himself. Jane moans)  
  
Daria: Listen, I wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry.  
  
Jane: Well, what do you expect at a school filled with human pop tarts. At least I know I'll always have your support. Right?  
  
Daria: (looks around.) Um..  
  
Jane: What? Right??  
  
Daria: About that. Um, Jane? I didn't exactly..  
  
Jane: (annoyed) Yes?  
  
Daria: I didn't vote for you.  
  
Jane: What!!  
  
(They stop walking)  
Daria: I'm sorry! But it was during your speech I decided. Your election goals seemed a bit one sided. And I hate to admit it, but the things you wanted to 'crack down on' are basically the things that make high school what it is. You would be taking away the main assets of teenage life.  
  
Jane: (glares)  
  
Daria: I'm not saying I like it!   
  
Jane: (stops looks angry, and thinks. Sighs.) Maybe you're right, Daria. Maybe I wasn't Presidential material after all. It was sort of turning me into a tyrant, hmm?  
  
Daria: Um..  
  
Jane: You know its true. (smirks) But you did vote for Upchuck, you know?  
  
Daria: Let us never speak of that again.  
  
(Cut to Morgendorffers house. Daria and Jane are sitting at the kitchen table in their pajamas. Daria is wearing her over-sized dark blue shirt and shorts, Jane is wearing red shirts and shorts with her hair pulled back. They're both eating frozen pizza.)  
  
Jane: Thanks for inviting me over. I needed a break from the casa de Lane after all the tension I caused there the last week.  
  
Daria: Well, It was the least I could do after I stabbed you in the back.  
  
Jane: Stabbed for the better.  
  
(Phone rings. Daria reaches over to the portable on the table and clicks it on)  
  
Daria: Hello?  
  
Tom: (VO) Daria? Hey, It's me. How did the election go?  
  
Daria: Um, hang on. (puts hand over receiver). It's Tom. I'm going in the other room. This may take a lot of explaining. (gets up, exits kitchen)  
  
(Jane is sitting alone in the kitchen. She looks around, then stands)  
  
Jane: If I were a can of soda, where would I be? (Starts walking to the fridge. She opens it, looks around, and pulls out a can. She closes the door, then looks to her left and sees a suspicious piece of paper lying face down on the counter. Slowly, she reaches over and picks it up. It's one of Quinn's VOTE NO FOR LANE papers from the FC. Jane's jaw drops.)  
  
Jane: WHAT??  
  
  
THE END  



End file.
